thinking
“Left. Right! LEFT…”
An object hits a wall.
A girl swears.
A pause follows.
“It’s because you were looking.”
Today, I tried to learn how to juggle before an audience of one unamused spectator: Yonggi, my sister’s husky. Before you begin to think that I’ve lost my mind, let me explain. Typically, when I’m in thinking mode, I like to be “productive”. This may be a universal preference. We hear of people having their best thoughts in the shower or on a walk. I needed a new activity to occupy myself while thinking, and I figured that would be juggling. Obviously.
Following my last post, I’ve conducted a few casual interviews, and these insightful folks have given me a lot to think about. However, what’s currently got my thoughts in a jumble is the result of my latest strengths test.
For context, I took two separate tests in the past few days. The first one, StrengthsFinder, seems accurate and actionable. These were my results:
- Connectedness
- Individualization
- Strategic
- Responsibility
- Arranger
The second one called Strengths Profile identified this as my top “strength”:
Humility – You are happy to stay in the background, giving others credit for your contributions.
A girl swears.
To explain why this result plagues my thoughts, we have to replay part of a conversation I had with my soul sister two months ago.
My soul sister is one of my favorite people. Although we are quite different, we share the same core values which, I believe, allows us to talk freely about anything. As I remember it, we were discussing colonialism and she said something along the lines of, “If the roles were reversed, we probably would’ve done the same thing.” (Meaning: colonized the weaker/smaller country. She is Indian and I am Korean.)
We went back and forth. Growing increasingly horrified, I adamantly disagreed. “I would not, and I’m sure you wouldn’t either!”
She identified the misunderstanding before I did so she softly replied, “I know we wouldn’t, but people like us are rarely the ones who make those decisions.”
I began to understand what she meant. Worse, I saw the truth in it.
Reader, I wanted to cry.
This truth touches on several elements. Putting aside race and sex, it was clear to me that what tends to preclude people like us from making those decisions is this: we believe that the head cannot lead without the heart. That emotionality is neither a disease nor something to be mocked. That we shouldn’t highlight lines that separate “us” and “them”. That we should read the expense report for what it is and what it excludes and who it dehumanizes.
It’s easy to dismiss empaths as romantics or dreamers, but keep in mind, we won’t always be content staying in the background.