is this adulting?

Saturday night found me in a one-piece kneeling over a bathtub of soaking laundry, listening to Goodness of God, and just weeping.

It all started with the decision to do my laundry.

I haul my basket out of my apartment and over to the laundry room. After getting everything ready, I insert my card. Error. I try again. Error. I try my other card. Error. I unplug the machine and plug it back in again. Error. The sticker on the machine says I can only call Mondays through Fridays during normal business hours.

Nbd. Google Search: laundromats near me. I call the number to make sure they’re open. Ring Ring Ring… No one picks up. A quick web search tells me that laundromats are considered non-essential and were forced to close.

Nbd. I get a call from my parents. Mom wants to reduce her business hours. Sounds reasonable during a pandemic. She doesn’t have health insurance. She reduces it from 57.5 hours to 43 hours. I tell her that’s hardly a reduction. She says she wants to accommodate the few customers who come in before and after work. There aren’t many customers. I know she just wants to make the rent. I pretend to understand while making the sign and updating her website.

Google Search: How to hand wash laundry.

I fill the bathtub with water and some laundry detergent and dump in all my stuff. The water is hot so I put on rubber gloves. Swish swish swish. My jeans get wet from the swishing so I change into a one piece. Things are okay. I drain the water and repeat the process without detergent. This time, I step on the wet clothes like I’m stomping on grapes. Things are okay. For an hour, I try to twist the water out of my heavy, soaking laundry unsure if it’s actually clean. My arms ache. Bethany Barnard starts to sing.

<♫>

All my life, you have been faithful.
All my life, you have been so, so good.
With every breath that I am able,
I will sing of the goodness of God.

</♫>

I start to cry. Some things are just not okay.

Don’t get me wrong. I feel so grateful that my loved ones and I are healthy. I love my new job, and the people at work are amazing and kind. Joy is ever present in my life.

But some things are just hard to accept right now.